28 August 2012
What NOT to do when flirting
by Fran Creffield
Flirting is great fun and you don’t have to be dating someone to enjoy some banter with a handsome stranger or a pretty woman in the mall – it is all good practice. There are, however, common mistakes people make which you should watch out for.
Flirting is a subtle art and it is good to practice regularly as it will not only lift your spirits, and those of the person you are flirting with, but can also make you more confident when it comes to dating. Done badly, however, flirting can get you the very opposite of what you want so here are the things you really shouldn’t do while still having lots of fun.
Don’t be too pushy
The most effective flirting is subtle – so subtle in fact that it leaves the person you are flirting with unsure whether you are flirting at all or if you are just a really nice person. Avoid being overtly sexual or making lewd suggestions because that is likely to lead you into trouble rather than get you any fun.
You need to be aware of the other person’s response to you. If they are obviously not interested then back off rather than coming on even stronger. It is humiliating if someone has to actually ask you to leave them alone so learn to be sensitive to the cues they are giving you and if they aren’t interested, leave it. By far the most attractive aspect of someone is also one of the most effective flirting tactics you can use – a smile. Smile into their eyes and show you are pleased to see them.
Don’t step on someone else’s territory
If you meet someone by chance in a public place, before you start flirting make sure they don’t have a date with them. It doesn’t matter if it is their spouse or a casual date, they are taken and that means they are off limits for flirting.
How would you feel if you were out on a date and someone started hitting on your partner when you went to the bar?
Don’t get flirty in the workplace
Flirting at work can hold many dangers. It may seem innocent enough and will certainly make the hours at work pass a bit quicker but you need to be very careful. If you flirt with your boss other colleagues may begin to view you with suspicion thinking you are trying to get a wages increase or a promotion.
On a more serious note if you are flirting with a colleague and don’t pick up on the fact that your attention is not welcome, you might find yourself with a sexual harassment charge. Be professional at work and keep your flirting confined to your private life.
Don’t play games with someone’s emotions
There is a fine line between flirting and giving someone the impression you want to take things further with them. If this is not your intention then you could find yourself on the receiving end of someone’s anger and frustration. Light flirting can quickly become serious and part of the art is knowing when to back off if you don’t want the situation to get too heavy.
Don’t take people flirting with you too seriously
If someone flirts with you try not to take it too seriously until you are sure that they are not like that with everyone they meet. Some people are natural charmers and leave everyone they meet a little bit in love with them. If you have been single for a long time and someone is very warm and attentive it can be easy to let your imagination run away with you and read more into it than there actually is.
If someone flirts with you by all means flirt back and see where it goes, just don’t be too disappointed if it is no more than a bit of friendly banter.